OMG - FCF IS BACK!

The Best Craig's List Post Ever!

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don’t feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said “First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me” was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

*a million thanks BuzzFeed!

1982

long walk, alone. must bring empty birdcage.

I'M HOME

After a mildly exhausting day at the office I arrived home and looked forward to an evening away from the world. Maybe some history channel. Definitely some internet playtime. I needed a good, inspirational soundtrack.

Crash! Thud! Fu*king damn whore bitch! Bump. Bump. Bump.

I set aside my mactop and ventured over to the front window. What on earth could all that racket be over? I peered gingerly between the blinds and nearly pissed myself laughing.

24 cans of Coors Light were independently rolling and exploding down the outside staircase.

Sometimes there is no better comedy than one's drunken neighbor loosing all his beer. Cheap beer. That's why you don't drink cheap beer, it has a mind of it's own and the means to do whatever it pleases. Which tonight was beers on parade.

xoxo, wee

HAPPY MONDAY!!

* thanks coco!

LUNCH DUCK

*lives in Huntington Park

THE HOW AND WHY IS NOT IMPORTANT

My freshman year of college there was this guy. Todd. He played Lacrosse (kind of the hockey of grass - it's violent and uses sticks, boys love it.) Anyway, we had psych 101 together. During one early morning class Todd was seated behind me, Tara and CJ. Every so often my chair got bumped. But not in the funny or clever flirty way. In the super-effing-annoying-what-the-fuck-are-you-doing way. Finally I spun and hissed "What up Todd?" His response? "I lost my thong under your chair."

From there on out we had an expression for Todd, The guy who has 2 brain cells and one is chasing the other.

Somehow that was relevant to the story I wanted to tell about Family Cruises in the 1980's after I found this:



We were BIG cruisers in the 1980's. When you think about it, that is kind of the quintessential 80's vacation. A floating monstrosity of indulgence that houses a multitude of fashion disasters and heinous hair moments. Lucky for all of you the family photos are at my parents place, we have some doozies. Me at 7 sporting white leggins, an oversized sweatshirt of neon paint splatters and rhinestones. My grandmother had it custom made. Gads.

As a kid cruises are great! Your parents cannot lose you, you're on a boat. You're loose! You are free to wander into the casino and disrupt all manner of games, hang out with the ladies at the salon and leave for dinner looking like a streetwalker! You can stay up late and run in the halls and sneak into the adult revue show! Now add in a flaming dessert and it was my 7 year old heaven. Did I mention my murphy bed? Awesome.

The SS AZURE SEAS


das boat


the capt. (we have photos with this man)

On a random side note I have been listening to Joshua Radin tonight and what happened to this guy? The man who started a song with "What if you could wish me away?", but all the newish stuff from him, sounds like the cheesy, pop industry replicant of him. What gives bud?

*all that and no cruise story? 'fraid so.

NOW THAT IS A FIRST LADY

Congratulations Michelle Obama, you embody the true spirit of The First Lady.

MONDAY STYLE EMAILS

Can I get copies of those family pages so I can draft that copy? Thanks much! Then let’s make voodoo dolls…

x - coco

*I love my office mates!

WHILE WE ARE IN THE WAYBACK MACHINE

my super kickass nickname in high school, that and jezebel. obviously I have been a handful for sometime now.

WORTH GRASS STAINS AND BLOWING CURFEW

Much earlier in my life these guys provided much of the soundtrack. They were busy exploding out of Sacramento while I was in high school. I have attended countless shows in Capitol Park, small, smoky club sets and taken insanely long drives in my first boyfriend's jeep just to let the tape (gasp) play through. They rocked. It started with Rock and Roll Lifestyle and Jolene, but these are my top 3. Oh goats - I love you!

THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT

mine would say F is for Fu*k.

TABLE TRICKS

cherry bomb


try again


ah, just do it upside down!


look, it's forked!!

IDIOT MODELS

Ladies, strike a pose!


coy (I didn't get the memo)


bored


fierce


fiercer!


who are we kidding? we're not fu*king models!

*the village idiot, back booth

AT THE IDIOT - 01/09

*I love table portraits!

OSTERIA MOZZA, AFTER HOURS

As if yesterday was not plagued by the 1980's enough, David Bowie made a late night appearance! It was awesome...

TYPOGRAPHY AT WORK

I love that she is made of type! look for the motion version too!

* thanks Mom!

IN TRANSIT

something's in that truck bed




hello lady!


a wee resemblance!

* last photo circa winter 2004

FROM ME WITH LOVE, FOR FRIDAY

*NSFW

QUICK MATH

Okay so I'm watching the news and some dude in Winnetka pays a 6,000 mortgage! I did some quick math (always scary, but I used a calculator) and at the end of a 35 year mortgage, he will have paid over 2,500,000, for a house in Winnetka! Now I am not shitting on Winnetka (okay, maybe a little) but, seriously? 2.5 million needs to get me more, lots more. Like tennis courts and a pool house more.

w

THE WAY I PLAY POOL, TOO

"I'm so horrible at sports, without question, you can beat me in pool, pond, bog, swamp, stream, river, lake and ocean."
- s

*I have no words for this amount of greatness. thanks for the awesome email s!!

BEST WAY TO START A MORNING, TO MAKE UP FOR THAT LAST POST

lovely.


haunting.

WARNING - WORST SONG TO HAVE STUCK IN YOUR HEAD, EVER

made my afternoon a true joy!

TALKIN' ABOUT LAST NIGHT

Happy Birthday R!








let's get started!


the officemates en force








wee and cherry LOVE R!




bunny, shady and agent '85






how all good Birthdays should end

*Burbank, CA (yes Burbank)

CARTER'S PILLS

I have often been asked what I do to prevent the return of Cancer, what medications do I take? None. I chucked Western Medicine's pills a few years back after I had all the Lupron I will ever be able to tolerate (sounds comforting, Lupron - check. Adrymicin - check). I do however have an amazing Herbalist and Eastern Medicine Practitioner.*

I take herbs. Lots of herbs. Some are pills. Some are tinctures. They often smell and taste foul and come in non friendly colors, like black. Sweet. But I have not been sick (cold, flu, fever or whatever), in nearly 2 years. Also no Cancer and no panic attacks (I have a tenuous relationship with my panic disorder). I feel better. I don't retain ever ounce of water I see (hello Tamoxifen!). My hair isn't falling out all over the shower and my bones aren't been destroyed on a cellular level (thanks Lupron!). So I am sticking with this - it works, for me.

What I take EVERYDAY:

HERBS:
Bupleurum & Dragon Bone
Schizandra
Pearl Powder
Ginseng & Astragalas
Antler Reishi

VITAMINS:
Calcium + D
B12
Omega-3 (or other Fish Oil)
Multiple Vitamin




* she won't tell you this, but she is a Dr. and attended med school et c. so I guess I have the best of both worlds. I feel that I am in good hands and at the end of the day that alleviates more stress and confusion, than having the best specialist who cannot remember your name and is thinks of you only as a # in their clinical trial.

**the regimen changes according to how I feel. I used to take things I no longer need. It's fun! Kind of like going to the most effing expensive candy shop - ever.

EXACTLY WHY NOT

Scars. Lack of girly parts. This year will be 5 years. A corner? A milestone? Do I fu*king care? I'll keep you posted.

In the meantime to excuse the confusion many people have as to why I sport only horizontal scars across my chest, if they can "reconstruct" things like nips, THIS IS WHY. Not to mention that I have very little trust in anyone who says, "they will look real." Sure, 'cause in a beauty contest between you and Mother Nature, my money is on you. All this makes me seem like I don't love my plastic surgeon. I do. She is amazing and I know she could and would do an amazing job. But it just wouldn't be the same. And if the damn things won't function, do I really need them? Nope. Not me.

Ack. As if we all don't have enough to deal with, now let's just pile on some hairy dick nipples. I'd rather not.

xoxo, wee

ps - S. don't stop. We all come close. We all wonder why do I do this? For you. I treat this blog like a journal. I am just a journal whore and the idea that others may read this keeps me motivated. But it is for me. Congrats on Year One.

THE YELLING, THE ROXY 01/08

*Sunset Strip, West Hollywood

LUST FOR LIFE

*The Roxy, Sunset Strip

MEN AT WORK

*Main & 6th Downtown, Los Angeles

NEATLY WRAPPED

great sandwich too!

* Cole's on 6th St., Downtown

GIFT

*La Brea Blvd., Los Angeles

SPARKLES, COME HOME!

obviously I am well stocked girl!

POST FROLIC PICNIC

city kids make fire!






first, marshmallows. fire roasted marshmallows.


equal parts bean soup and Tabasco!










we love our ear warming hats!

LOOSE! WE'RE LOOSE IN NATURE!

mud!


I think I broke it.


nope! all good!!


why you don't put the white people in the sun, and the black people in the shade!




















Dixie tries to hail a cab




















other random hikers, very nice - they took the next photo!




manzanita



*angeles national forest, switzer falls

DIM SUM, TWITTER STYLE

"You know, the mini pork cupcakes!"

Turns out these are called Sao Mai, in Mandarin. Looks like we're having dim sum at the office this week. Goodie. Any recomendations from my readers?

xoxo, wee

WORD.

the status of things for this blog. damn.

* c/o CandyKiller

HONEY ROASTED PEANUTS

* c/o buzzfeed

MAN UP BITCHES, IT'S 2009

I would like to take 2008 and light it on fire. Just throw all its screaming parts and unfinished business in the backyard and toss a match to it all. These in between years make me uncomfortable. The years where nothing seems to take hold, or firm up into anything solid and note worthy. Maybe these are the growth years that have to happen to let loose the years where it all falls into place and everything makes sense.

I have no sense to make of 2008, other than THANK GOD IT IS OVER.

It was a year of stretching and reacting to the chaos. I lost count of the number of times I wanted to shut down this blog, leave LA and just blow up my life, in some huge, unrecoverable way. Like sell all my worldly possessions, toss my phone into the ocean and take my meager savings and hop a plane to Da Nang and serve cocktails at a hotel of huts on the beach. Screw being a successful designer and have a closet full of only, flip flops and sarongs and have my only responsibilities in life be remembering how many beers hut #4 had tonight. It sounded grand, relaxing. Except that I cannot: a) add worth a damn, which would make exchanging money uber difficult, b) be in the sun for extended periods of time and c) me + drinks and customers is an awful idea. In LA, a successful designer I remain.

I am not shunning my career success (especially in light of current economic trends), but sometimes that is not enough. Over the last week (of unpaid, mandatory vacation) I stewed quite a lot. On Tuesday I came close to losing my mind - if you can ever be aware of the moment that it all falls apart. On Wednesday, I shunned NYE for the first time in my life. And it was awesome. Dexter and I cruised right over the switch. No text messages of "Yay 2009!" were sent out. I was hibernating.

All totalled 2008 didn't completely suck in the way that 2004 did (hello cancer, end of a 3 year-thought-I-was-dating-The-One relationship, have no memory of anything after August!) But she did have her share of rock bottom moments. Let's recap for posterity's sake:

January - come home to a houseful of boxes and find out I have 20 days to find a new place to live.
February - MOVE
March - turn 29 (for my own, not fully realized reasons this was way hard - I am from CA so I can use terms like "way" as an adjective)
April - discover I hate my job
May - loose job, have teeth fall out of head
June - no job
July - no job
August - get job, loose time to blog
September - work all the time
October - work all the time
November - work all the time
December - loose mind from lack of social life

So in 2009 I am looking for balance and new horizons. I am also looking to attack things head on. Tonight I did just that in my own small, private way. I am tired of taking silence for a damn answer. 2009 will be a, take-the-bull-by-the-horns kind of year. If it kills me. Also a go to the doctor kind of year, since in 2008 I took the year off from being a medically responsible 20 something. I railed someone tonight over that and then I took a moment and went, "Hey Preacher, you don't have an Oncologist anymore either." Best get on that, before I sit through another you-probably-have-under-six-months-to-live conversation. Take it from me, those can ruin a whole year.

xoxo, wee

PS - my favorite blogger is preggers, with my second fave not far behind (I predict!) so go 2009 and new babies! Everyone else, double bag that shit, as babies are cropping up everywhere!!

EVERYDAY LIKE SUNDAY...

for the love of Dexter...and what a great big, love it is.