HOW TO WEAR A HOSPITAL GOWN

Being weetiny, this is a challenge with the size XXL, standard issue sheets Kaiser likes to hand out. I have however perfected the wearing of such a garment.

1. undress

2. stick arms in arm holes and wrap said sheet around body (with flaps in the back).

3. find the neck tie on one side.

4. find the hip tie on the same side.

5. pull the neck tie over your shoulder on the opposite side.

6. pull the hip tie up, under your arm to meet the neck tie.

7. tie the strings together at the shoulder and voila!

* bonus - your ass stays nicely out of public view and it's not nearly so drafty!