Saturday, January 12, 2008


Thanks everybody for the gracious support here, over at Fleshbot and in my inbox! Whew. It was a crazy week and all this press was rather unexpected, but most certainly welcomed.

I guess I will never be that far from cancer. It won't matter how long I've been healthy, my scars make sure I can't forget. I used to be so angry that I had been handed this type of cancer. Okay cancer, I've got you - but why not leukemia or lymphoma? Do you have to be BREAST CANCER? I think this was the first wave of anger that washed over me (ed. note: I was not angry at being sick, no time. I had to come out swinging), and in some ways the aftermath of that tidal wave has been the hardest recovery.

I can't hide that I had BREAST CANCER. There is no mistaking what these scars are from. The nerves won't regenerate. I will never feel all types of things again. I don't have the option of keeping this a secret from someone I date. I HATE THAT PART. I hate lots of parts, but I really hate that one. The normal progression of dating is thrown off. When do you say something? How do you say this something?

It leaves you wide open. It ratchets up the seriousness of everything and suddenly you are not just 2 people that are a few dates in, but someone who had cancer and blah, blah, blah...can you handle this? And BOOM the magic is gone, along with all the air in the room. Yeah, dating after cancer is like a vacation in a small land mine filled 3rd world nation.

Having cancer sucks (could that be the understatement of all time?), but you can beat it. These pictures are proof of that, the interview is honest support of that, this whole crazy blog proves that there is life afterwards! It just won't be one you recognize. And you will forever have cancer. Coming to terms with that is what separates the survivors from the rest of the pack.

My active cancer fight lasted 11 months. Initial rock finding treasure hunt was sometime in late June '04. Final port removal surgery May '05. If I were writing a book, I'd call it, "In the Year of the Pink".

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