LAST NIGHT WAS KIND OF HUGE

No, not in that kind of way. But in a very real and casual atmosphere (read: a friend's house with Indian take-out and a 1.5 year old) I was introduced to; dooce.com (where in the hell have I been?), was encouraged to go after my newly minted dream of living as an ex-pat and the wii. I am all kinds of late. What can I say - me scardy cat. Which is odd, since I was not always this way. Or maybe I was and at some point I was just so fed up, that I broke.

In high school I was the requsite crabby teenager who had dreams of being a fashion designer/photographer cum archeologist. The one thing I was sure of, is that I would get the hell out of Northern California. I came south and spent a year drunk and bored, while I maintained a 3.5+ GPA and my virginity (that last one is neither here or there but someday I want proof for my daughter that you do not have to give it up. And no Ed H. your, "it's fun - like sex in high school" argument still doesn't hold water). Throwing all my proverbial eggs in the basket, I switched schools without an acceptance letter or a back-up plan.

100,000 dollars and a few years later, I am plenty educated and have a career as a designer (totally gave fashion the heave-ho and went all graphic). I drive my hot red dream car, have a killer apartment at the beach and a body that fits in a bikini. It's time to put all those future hatchlings back in the basket, and I am pissing myself about it. I got royally bitch slapped by the Universe, in the hopes that I would figure it the fuck out.

The answer is swiming in the water with me - I just suck at spear fishing. I guess I am afraid to stab my toes or something. Hot damn that is a lame excuse. Here is what I have figured out: I have worked really hard for the things I have and I don't want to loose them. I also don't want to hold on so tight that what I have now (at 29) is all I ever get (dies a thousand melodramatic deaths in head). So Universe, the deal I am making is this: Better things and you can have my hot car and my life in LA.

Sounds fair.

* ps - the members of our dinner party last night included: a former peace corp member, who is now a Marine, who just finished law school, is about to take the bar and has lived in like a bazillion countries! and is going to be a JAG once he passes. which he will, because with that kind of fearless track record, how could he not? the hostess- a new mom who is whip smart, super connected, went to standford for grad school and can css the shit out of anything (she is also beautiful and lovely and makes homemade caramel sauce to make up for the fact that she ordered take-out), her equally uber smarty brother who just quit google and is taking his own esoteric journey and her husband who teaches as a gaming professor at USC and rules at bath time with the baby -- talk about in-spi-ra-tion!!!!