MAN UP BITCHES, IT'S 2009

I would like to take 2008 and light it on fire. Just throw all its screaming parts and unfinished business in the backyard and toss a match to it all. These in between years make me uncomfortable. The years where nothing seems to take hold, or firm up into anything solid and note worthy. Maybe these are the growth years that have to happen to let loose the years where it all falls into place and everything makes sense.

I have no sense to make of 2008, other than THANK GOD IT IS OVER.

It was a year of stretching and reacting to the chaos. I lost count of the number of times I wanted to shut down this blog, leave LA and just blow up my life, in some huge, unrecoverable way. Like sell all my worldly possessions, toss my phone into the ocean and take my meager savings and hop a plane to Da Nang and serve cocktails at a hotel of huts on the beach. Screw being a successful designer and have a closet full of only, flip flops and sarongs and have my only responsibilities in life be remembering how many beers hut #4 had tonight. It sounded grand, relaxing. Except that I cannot: a) add worth a damn, which would make exchanging money uber difficult, b) be in the sun for extended periods of time and c) me + drinks and customers is an awful idea. In LA, a successful designer I remain.

I am not shunning my career success (especially in light of current economic trends), but sometimes that is not enough. Over the last week (of unpaid, mandatory vacation) I stewed quite a lot. On Tuesday I came close to losing my mind - if you can ever be aware of the moment that it all falls apart. On Wednesday, I shunned NYE for the first time in my life. And it was awesome. Dexter and I cruised right over the switch. No text messages of "Yay 2009!" were sent out. I was hibernating.

All totalled 2008 didn't completely suck in the way that 2004 did (hello cancer, end of a 3 year-thought-I-was-dating-The-One relationship, have no memory of anything after August!) But she did have her share of rock bottom moments. Let's recap for posterity's sake:

January - come home to a houseful of boxes and find out I have 20 days to find a new place to live.
February - MOVE
March - turn 29 (for my own, not fully realized reasons this was way hard - I am from CA so I can use terms like "way" as an adjective)
April - discover I hate my job
May - loose job, have teeth fall out of head
June - no job
July - no job
August - get job, loose time to blog
September - work all the time
October - work all the time
November - work all the time
December - loose mind from lack of social life

So in 2009 I am looking for balance and new horizons. I am also looking to attack things head on. Tonight I did just that in my own small, private way. I am tired of taking silence for a damn answer. 2009 will be a, take-the-bull-by-the-horns kind of year. If it kills me. Also a go to the doctor kind of year, since in 2008 I took the year off from being a medically responsible 20 something. I railed someone tonight over that and then I took a moment and went, "Hey Preacher, you don't have an Oncologist anymore either." Best get on that, before I sit through another you-probably-have-under-six-months-to-live conversation. Take it from me, those can ruin a whole year.

xoxo, wee

PS - my favorite blogger is preggers, with my second fave not far behind (I predict!) so go 2009 and new babies! Everyone else, double bag that shit, as babies are cropping up everywhere!!